Remembering two years ago and preparing now to move on

 My weekend arts blog is a little later than usual on purpose this weekend, as I deviate from my usual arts reporting for a brief update on things as the two year anniversary of Sophie's passing looms large tomorrow.

I thought things would get easier for me after the first year but that turned out not to be the case.  If anything, I found the second year much harder than the first.  I have no idea why, but I suspect it has something to do with a lot of time spent this winter and spring disposing of a lot of Sophie's things, including piles of things she never used stored in the basement, and of course a lot of her clothing and jewelry.  I still feel like a criminal going through her things in a way, as Sophie was such a private person.

But it simply had to be done and I was the one who of course had to do it, with occasional help from dear friend Kathy Brophy, my so-called Girl Friday.  Now I see some relief in sight as the second anniversary arrives tomorrow, and I hope I am correct in that assessment.

I have stated here more than once the entire ordeal has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and I still feel that way today.  Losing a parent or sibling can be devastating too, but losing your spouse is just so much more difficult I find.  You are all alone in the house you once shared together, and you are surrounded by that person's things.

Here it is especially so as Sophie surrounded herself with such beautiful things, and when we moved in to this house together over 20 years ago most of my modest possessions were either relegated to the basement or the garage.  A precious few made it to the upper floors of the house!

In the past year, however, I have begun introducing some of the pieces my family held dear for many years, and they all blend quite nicely with what was always here, and I am quite proud to show them off now.  No doubt they still would not pass muster with Sophie but hey, what can you do?!

Anyway, as difficult as this year has been and this weekend in particular, I am optimistic for the future, and hope the passing of the anniversary tomorrow will usher in some happier, sunnier days ahead for me.

Sophie said in the hospital she hoped I would fine happiness with someone new and I hope that will indeed be the case.  But as I so often tell her even now, even if that happens I will never ever forget her, and she'll always have a special place in my heart.  How could Sophie not?

I do have a good feeling about the coming months, for no particular reason at the moment actually, but I just sense the tide is turning and the dark days are now largely in the past.  Most of Sophie's estate is now settled and I am working on making the house more reflective of my present situation than it has been in the past, so that will make me all the more comfortable going into the future as well.

I picked up roses last weekend to mark our anniversary together, which would have been 21 years this past July 27th, and again this weekend to mark the coming anniversary of Sophie's passing.  Tomorrow I will pick up a special arrangement to mark the actual date, and that will be it for awhile.  I didn't have to do all this of course, but I wanted to.  In fact, I found comfort in the actions.

What's next?  Well I should point out tomorrow I will be largely absent from social media to mark the anniversary, although I will post a picture or two of Sophie during the day of course.  And I think it will be time to draw away just a little bit from more frequent posts such as this one.  Oh, I still have plenty to say and if I feel the need I will use this space again, but for the most part, I think it is time to start to move on.

I think Sophie would agree the time has come, and I also suspect she would be saying something like "Mike, will you knock it off and get on with your life?!"  She could be sentimental that way!  And so I will.

Sophie will always be in my heart, always with me, always watching over me.  But perhaps the time has come to welcome new adventures and see where life takes me.  I think Sophie would be proud of how far I've come, and how much the future holds for me.

Here's to a glorious past with Sophie, and renewed promise for the future wherever it leads me.

I'll keep you posted, of course.

Have a good rest of the weekend!

August 1st, 2022.