As I have done the past few years since being on my own, I thought I would give a brief update on where I am at on my road to recovery, so as the year is about to draw to a close, here we go...
Overall, the word that describes my mindset this holiday season is 'peace'. I am at peace with myself and where I am in this world. It has been a tough road to follow since I lost Sophie in the summer of 2020, especially as COVID continued to rage and is not done with us yet.
My first two Christmases were the worst as I was quite literally, left to grieve alone, as we could not congregate and the remainder of my small family lives quite a distance away. So that was tough. But last year was better as the family gathered here in the city for Christmas and although I was a bit overwhelmed by the number of people, which I was simply not used to anymore, it was special and I am thankful for that.
This year I found myself on my own again and frankly, I was okay with that. I felt I could better manage my emotions and the being alone better this year, and I did. I was, quite simply, at peace. I have accepted the loss of Sophie and the fact I must move on with my life and chart a new course for myself.
This past September I took a major step in my recovery by taking a tour in England I really wanted to do, and which I know in my heart Sophie wanted me to take for the both of us. It was difficult at times, being the first international trip on my own in many years, but I was surrounded by good people and all went well, in spite of the fact I came home with COVID for the very first time.
In a sense, I viewed the trip as a signal...a signal to myself and to the world I am back, I am living my life again and I am ready to move on. It felt good to go and I do not regret the decision one bit. It was clearly the right move at the right time for me.
Everyone's trajectory when it comes to recovery after a loss is different: some are ready to move on sooner and others, like myself, take longer. There is no timetable to follow on this, you simply follow your heart. It will tell you when you are ready and mine did, at exactly the right time.
So as I look forward to a New Year full of promise for all of us, what am I hoping for? More adventures, more fun, and more valuable life experiences perhaps I have not experienced before. That applies to all aspects of my life now and I am ready for that.
First and foremost, I am putting the failed dating disasters and relationship attempts of the past year or so in the rear view mirror. They were all valuable life lessons for me and offer insight into just how difficult finding a second great romance can be.
I remain optimistic however, and I am totally open minded as to what form it may take. I have learned to embrace change and be brave, be optimistic and face what life gives you with clarity and enthusiasm. If it doesn't happen this year, perhaps next. It doesn't matter. I am ready whenever it happens.
In other aspects of my life, I am still reorganizing the house and simplifying my life somewhat, and redefining who and where I am in this world. Yes, I have become a bit of a dandy now that I am retired and that is not by chance but rather by design. I am enjoying the fun and sense of adventure (well a little bit anyway!) it brings me. And in the process a lot of new friends too!
So for 2024 I say: bring it on. Let's see what happens. Show care and concern for those around you and above all else, take care of yourself first. I do and I feel now I am well taken care of, again, in my life.
Have a wonderful New Year celebration and embrace what the new year has to offer us. I know I am.
Have a great weekend and Happy New Year!
December 30th, 2023.
